Short version:

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them
in a pile on the floor.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing a towel. If you see your girlfriend/wife
along the way, flash her.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see
if you have pecs. (No.)

4. Turn on the water.

5. Check for pecs again. (Still no.)

6. Get in the shower.

7. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (You don't use one.)

8. Wash your face.

9. Wash your armpits.

10. Wash your penis and surrounding area.

11. Wash your ass.

12. Shampoo your hair. (Do not use conditioner.)

13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

14. Open the door and look at yourself in the mirror.

15. Pee.

16. Rinse off and get out of the shower.

17. Return to the bedroom wearing a towel, if you pass your girlfriend/wife, flash her.

Long version:

Replace #10 with: Masturbate using soap.