Things you'll NEVER hear one woman say to another woman

That swimsuit really flatters your figure! Would you mind keeping my husband company while I go for a swim?

Oh, look, that woman and I have the same dress on! I think I'll go introduce myself!

His new girlfriend is thinner and better-looking than I am, and I'm happy for them both.

If he doesn't let me hold the remote, I get all moody.

He earned more than I do, so I broke up with him.

I'm sick of dating doctors and lawyers! Give me a good old-fashioned waiter with a heart of gold any day!

We're redecorating the bedroom, and he keeps bugging me to help him with the color choices!

He talks our relationship to death! It's making me crazy!

Why, I just realized -- my butt doesn't look fat in this -- my butt *is* fat!