Taoism: Shit happens. Confucianism: Confucious says, shit happens. Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit. Zen: What is the sound of shit happening? Hinduism: This shit happened before. Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah. Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else. Native American: What is the medicine of shit? Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it. Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us? Pantheism: It's all the same shit. Atheism: I don't believe this shit. Agnosticism: What is this shit?